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A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into a Qatari bar … | Maz Jobrani

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A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into a Qatari bar … | Maz Jobrani


Translator: Joseph Geni
Reviewer: Morton Bast Hello, Doha. Hello! Salaam alaikum. I love coming to Doha.
It’s such an international place. It feels like the United Nations here. You land at the airport,
and you’re welcomed by an Indian lady who takes you to Al Maha Services,
where you meet a Filipino lady who hands you off to a South African lady who then takes you to a Korean who takes you to a Pakistani guy
with the luggage who takes you to the car
with a Sri Lankan. You go to the hotel and you check in.
There’s a Lebanese. Yeah? And then a Swedish guy
showed me my room. I said, “Where are the Qataris?” (Laughter) (Applause) They said, “No, no, it’s too hot.
They come out later. They’re smart.” “They know.” (Laughter) And of course, it’s growing so fast,
sometimes there’s growing pains. You know, like sometimes
you run into people that you think know the city well,
but they don’t know it that well. My Indian cab driver showed up at the W, and I asked him to take me
to the Sheraton, and he said, “No problem, sir.” And then we sat there for two minutes. I said, “What’s wrong?”
He said, “One problem, sir.” (Laughter) I said, “What?” He goes, “Where is it?” (Laughter) I go, “You’re the driver,
you should know.” He goes, “No, I just arrived, sir.” I go, “You just arrived at the W?”
“No, I just arrived in Doha, sir.” (Laughter) “I was on my way home from the airport, I got a job. I’m working already.” (Laughter) He goes, “Sir, why don’t you drive?” (Laughter) “I don’t know where we’re going.” “Neither do I. It will be
an adventure, sir.” (Laughter) The Middle East has been
an adventure the past couple of years. It is going crazy with the Arab Spring
and revolution and all this. Are there any Lebanese
here tonight, by applause? (Cheering) Lebanese, yeah. The Middle East is going crazy. You know the Middle East is going crazy when Lebanon is the most peaceful
place in the region. (Laughter) (Applause) Who would have thought? (Laughter) Oh my gosh. No, there’s serious issues in the region. Some people don’t want to talk about them.
I’m here to talk about them tonight. Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East,
here’s a serious issue. When we see each other, when we say hello, how many kisses are we going to do? (Laughter) Every country is different
and it’s confusing, okay? In Lebanon, they do three. In Egypt, they do two. I was in Lebanon, I got used to three. I went to Egypt. I went to say hello
to this one Egyptian guy, I went, one, two. I went for three — He wasn’t into it. (Laughter) I told him, I said, “No, no,
I was just in Lebanon.” He goes, “I don’t care where you were.
You just stay where you are, please.” (Laughter) (Applause) I went to Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two,
and then they stay on the same side: three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 — (Laughter) Next time you see a Saudi, look closely. They’re just a little bit tilted. (Laughter) “Abdul, are you okay?” “I was saying hello
for half an hour. I’ll be all right.” (Laughter) Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose. Why is that? Are you too tired
to go all the way around? (Laughter) “Habibi, it’s so hot. Just come here
for a second. Say hello. Hello, Habibi. Just don’t move.
Just stay there, please. I need to rest.” (Laughter) Iranians, sometimes we do two,
sometimes we do three. A friend of mine explained to me,
before the ’79 revolution, it was two. (Laughter) After the revolution, three. So with Iranians, you can tell
whose side the person is on based on the number
of kisses they give you. Yeah, if you go one, two, three —
“I can’t believe you support this regime!” (Laughter) “With your three kisses.” (Laughter) But no, guys, really,
it is exciting to be here, and like I said, you guys
are doing a lot culturally, you know, and it’s amazing, and it helps change the image
of the Middle East in the West. A lot of Americans don’t know
a lot about us, about the Middle East. I’m Iranian and American. I’m there.
I know, I’ve traveled here. There’s so much, we laugh, right? People don’t know we laugh. When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour,
it came out on Comedy Central, I went online to see
what people were saying. I ended up on a conservative website. One guy wrote another guy. He said,
“I never knew these people laughed.” Think about it. You never see us laughing
in American film or television, right? Maybe like an evil laugh: “Wuhahaha.” (Laughter) “I will kill you in the name
of Allah, wuhahahahaha.” (Laughter) But never like, “Ha ha ha ha la.” (Laughter) We like to laugh.
We like to celebrate life. And I wish more Americans
would travel here. I always encourage my friends: “Travel, see the Middle East, there’s so much to see,
so many good people.” And it’s vice versa,
and it helps stop problems of misunderstanding
and stereotypes from happening. For example, I don’t know
if you heard about this, a little while ago in the US,
there was a Muslim family walking down the aisle of an airplane, talking about the safest place
to sit on the plane. Some passengers overheard them, somehow misconstrued that
as terrorist talk, got them kicked off the plane. It was a family, a mother, father, child,
talking about the seating. As a Middle Eastern male, I know there’s certain things
I’m not supposed to say on an airplane in the US, right? I’m not supposed to be
walking down the aisle, and be like, “Hi, Jack.” That’s not cool. (Laughter) Even if I’m there with my friend
named Jack, I say, “Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack.” Never “Hi, Jack.” (Laughter) But now, apparently we can’t even talk about the safest place
to sit on an airplane. So my advice to all my Middle Eastern
friends and Muslim friends and anyone who looks
Middle Eastern or Muslim, so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos,
everyone, if you’re brown — (Laughter) Here’s my advice to my brown friends. (Laughter) The next time you’re
on an airplane in the US, just speak your mother tongue. That way no one knows
what you’re saying. Life goes on. (Laughter) Granted, some mother tongues
might sound a little threatening to the average American. If you’re walking
down the aisle speaking Arabic, you might freak them out — (Imitating Arabic) They might say, “What’s he talking about?” The key, to my Arab brothers and sisters, is to throw in random
good words to put people at ease as you’re walking down the aisle. Just as you’re walking down — (Imitating Arabic) Strawberry! (Laughter) (Imitating Arabic) Rainbow! (Laughter) (Imitating Arabic) Tutti Frutti! (Laughter) “I think he’s going to hijack
the plane with some ice cream.” Thank you very much. Have a good night. Thank you, TED. (Cheers) (Applause)

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100 thoughts on “A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into a Qatari bar … | Maz Jobrani”

  1. Mo Farah says:

    ERITERIA they give greetings from Shoulders more then 6 times! ( touching Shoulder to shoulder )

  2. michael russell says:

    People on planes don't look at you because you're brown, Its because if someone hi-jacks a plane there most likely going to look like you. Whose fault is that? Blame the hi-jackers, not the victims.

  3. hAk says:

    For awhile there I kept thinking its Maz Jabroni ><

  4. exorientelux says:

    he is right: Lebanon is the most peacefull country in the Middle East right now. Why is it so hard to work for peace and throw ALL foreign invaders – soldiers and terrorists – out of the region?

  5. Subhash Arora says:

    He was good.

  6. jutubaeh says:

    $ävph shell Räice ühGainne v

  7. Amjad Siddique says:

    I find Maz Jobrani not at all hilarious. Actually he is quiet boring

  8. nestcanz says:

    Ještě že to RAINBOW bylo s překladem, děkuji!

  9. Liviu Constantin says:

    Ha ha ha. Albert Brooks was looking for "Comedy in a Muslim world" in the wrong places. Should've gone to….Doha.

  10. Ali Hashim says:

    Lol my family must support the regime

  11. Solitary Man says:

    i thought having fun and smiling was forbidden in islam

  12. Miles Coverdale says:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kxL9Cf46VM. This is where things lie

  13. Sanjay Joshi says:

    Love from india

  14. C Jasz says:

    drop dead

  15. Love Is Who I Am says:

    I enjoyed every second of this TED Talks. 💕

  16. Rohit Banga says:

    So a TED talk is now openly a stand-up comedy …

  17. John Jacob says:

    The title and the video have no match whatsoever. They might have put the “Indian” to get more viewers. Scam right ?

  18. Aguinaldo Dael Gravidez III says:

    What, that was it? We need more from this guy. He’s hilarious.

  19. Ravi R. Chudasama says:

    Hey we Indians dont like that. Tatadadada. Nope 😂

  20. hulakan says:

    Title does not match content.

  21. Pynikmen Kharmalki says:

    😀😀😍

  22. LIC Agent Bangalore 9886568000 says:

    Very funny talk

  23. Muhammad Suleman says:

    1:32

  24. Muhammad Suleman says:

    Great…

  25. Muhammad Suleman says:

    This guy is amazing

  26. Stuart Broad says:

    Free Kashmir! 🤲🏻❤

  27. lyan Khaute says:

    YouTube keep recommending me this video. Now I finally know why. And I don't like it

  28. albin chacko says:

    I couldn't stop laughing even after he stopped his amused talking. Who else is here in 2019?

  29. obaid khan says:

    Amazing

  30. mccolock maq says:

    The comedian has tried his hardest.
    Apart from comedy there are serious topics in life

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_WfUGi6jdI&t=4s

  31. Mariam Khan says:

    strawberri 🍓

  32. DJ wale Bavu says:

    They laughed without murdering anyone !!!!! Amazing

  33. Pranay Chaturvedi says:

    I'm from India and I love middle east <3 World needs love and peace, earth is home!

  34. Percy Bhathena says:

    shitfuck

  35. Maheshwar Raju says:

    Hi all, I don't know weather is it even ok to ask or not. Why are the hijab ladies showing their faces in public in this video?

  36. Malditong Chinito Vlogs says:

    I followed maz for one reason.. He nver stops making me laugh

  37. Nudge Meister says:

    That was good 😁👍from Australia 🇦🇺

  38. ALI ALIYEV says:

    Stupid people…

  39. Future of Goodness & Kindness says:

    He's like the only American to get away with all that 😂😆

  40. Caesar The Emperor says:

    He is as funny as watching paint dry.

  41. jaspal singh ranyal says:

    Very good comedyAbsolutely love it.In America , some sikhs were killed because killer confused them with arabs.What do you think on it.

  42. Crystal Yeow says:

    Hahahaha

  43. David ben Mesecke says:

    Beautiful, I love that guy, great comedy!

  44. mark carey says:

    I look forward to the day we see an Iranian comedian from Iran. This guy is American.

  45. Noah atwood says:

    Islam is the religion from every ethnicity not just brown bro

  46. After Stupid Show says:

    Just wear a t-shirt that says, "Not a terrorist" and write on the luggage, "Not a bomb" just to put people at rest.

  47. G Singh says:

    This is stupid

  48. Status day WhatsApp says:

    Even Ted has nonsense talks? I feel cheated.

  49. Vikram Srinivasan says:

    When did TED started to do stand up comedy show?

  50. jawed akhtar says:

    The best part is "hi-Jack" 😂😜❤️

  51. Free man says:

    He is roasting them kn their face
    😂😂😂😂

  52. lonely ranger says:

    When he said "nhdjsnshsjkebeksoshnskshskk…strwberry"i felt that

  53. Arjun ** says:

    5:32 What did she eat

  54. jamal shah says:

    Good piece of advice ….in a good way

  55. Frank David says:

    3:33 is just laughy

  56. MISS.BEAUTY sharma says:

    Who loves this beautiful diversity in this incredible world

  57. Thomas Mccullough says:

    "They never see us laugh" obviously they haven't seen indian panini

  58. gilbert jovem says:

    After the show got over, he got escorted straight away and never to be seen again

  59. LASSE LASSE says:

    He look like an Arabic Eric Andre without hair

  60. Abhishek Misiha says:

    And just like that he took a flight to jhon f Kennedy .landed safely while some bombings happened over middle East

  61. SONS OF DRAGONS says:

    That's why they allow migrant workers in because they are too rich to work themselves!

  62. Daniel Rogers says:

    Hi jack

  63. M M says:

    So where was the joke about the saudi, Indian, Iranian in a bar ?

  64. Vipul Nath says:

    man you are gifted😂

  65. epic miss adventure II says:

    Awkward laugh.

  66. Obed Daniel says:

    Tom Hardy, somewhere in his face

  67. Ali Jaffery says:

    4:02 The Shah had a regime too…

  68. Wild Mango says:

    4:30 😲

  69. Manchester_United_Fan 10 says:

    tough crowd.

  70. mayank pandey says:

    I myself use to think Arabs never laugh ..I HV been to UAE and Doha I never saw them laughing

  71. Nur zahri says:

    Elkelemah alkelemah elkelemah hahahaha 🤣

  72. Sara Murray says:

    Shouldn't that be "A Saudi, an Indian and an Iranian walk into an embassy…"

  73. Rps Sengar says:

    Who is he..??

  74. Pawan Deshmukh says:

    Pakistani guy with luggage 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  75. Dale Smith says:

    A good comedy routine and a good way to address a serious subject.

  76. ScarMsanii Aggrey says:

    Click bait!!🙄

  77. captkurk357 says:

    I miss superior donuts it was good and he was pretty funny in it

  78. Heminem says:

    Fucking clickbait

    Dislike

  79. Serbaskey Chattilath says:

    Wow they really laughed

  80. Shreyas Kulkarni says:

    He just did a milder version of Russel Peters

  81. Kanth King says:

    Add an Inidan tag on youtube.. the views keep flowing..

  82. Versatile Bili says:

    Wow, you are so funny SubhanAllah

  83. Life With S. says:

    Americans are sooo weird man . No wonder why no likes us

  84. Aafiya Ima says:

    "Never Hi-jack!"😂😂

  85. A R C H O N says:

    This guy is fucking racist 😶😶

  86. King Speedy says:

    Dont forget to wave ur head side by side when u mimicry indians…😂😂

  87. Azan khan says:

    Insulting the arab culture in the name of comedy and idiots arabs are laughing themselves… perhaps no translator there . Lol

  88. Kenrik Kristensen says:

    🖕laugh he does not get it ..theres a lot of racist out there im not one humour only goes so far

  89. Mowji Sukisyo says:

    And addgint to the whole Saudi topic: look for 'fluffy visits Saudi Arabia' It explains things some more.

    It proves, religion and coverment ruin more then do good. The rest of us are just trying to lead a normal happy life.

  90. ishady ishady says:

    Is he still alive now? That's talented

  91. Bye Felicia says:

    I feel bad if you believe Trump will be your savior. They let him win for a reason. He is a tool for division and distraction and he's good at it. We need a total reset of the system and it's coming.

  92. THE_ SHK says:

    I will tell you what the real problem is in middle East.You"ll try to please America.The only non middle East country you"ll want to speak about is America.There are other countries too.Why only West why not East,which is far better than West.Infact you"ll are better than West.

  93. Jinan Zaidi says:

    😂😂😂

  94. Shaz Baig says:

    This guy is a definitely a strawberry rainbow tootie fruitie

  95. Robert McAnarney says:

    Constantly kissing at my house. When I'm in Saudi, I have to throw in Muhammad once in awhile to prevent being beheaded.

  96. flaco gordo says:

    Is he supposed to be funny?

  97. August Landmesser says:

    This-man-is-awesome! 😀

  98. Nouman ikram says:

    What's wrong with girl at 5 36 😂

  99. Gomer Gilligan says:

    😎 cooool

  100. Jesse S says:

    So very true, from a Canadian perspective and being from a melting pot of Culture in Montreal and Toronto, I can attest that although I am influenced to understand a multitude of cultures through osmosis, my greatest biases and stereotypes where put to reset when I traveled the world. There is no greater education than that of experiencing this world first hand. I wish more Americans would use their vacations to travel this big beautiful world and formulate opinions based on real world experience instead of the media… unless you all live in a world of talking Mice, Dogs and Bunnies, going to Disney Land once a year is not really going to educate your mind.

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