BAKED | S01E01 – “Where the F*** Is My Pizza?”
So you’re the one
Gulaab was talking about How’s my brother
doing these days? Hope he’s alright Yes…
He’s absolutely fine Would you like some tea? No sir… No thank you Mr. Maheep Singh you have a 2 O’clock
with Mr. R.V. Tulli please don’t forget Yes… Of course madam Haris can I be
frank with you? I’ve already read you CV It’s horse shit! Shitty college, shitty grades
And no extra-curricular activities Sir actually… Was it girl trouble? No sir, I… Oh! Was it drugs then? Sir? Hard drugs? Smack? Cocaine? Tell me the truth Haris? I ate the food you packed
for me mum You know I don’t like eating
what they serve in trains Yes mum
I’ve reached the house No, no
It’s a really nice house Clean Organised Cosy Yeah the city’s alright
But I already miss being home Delhi isn’t really for me I’m going to call you later mum Hi Oni? Yeah Oh I’m kidding
He’s out somewhere Oh… Body? He’s passed in his room At 3 in the afternoon?
Lunch time When will he be up? I don’t know Cigarette? No…
I’m saving this for later Are you Body’s friend?
I’m Body’s new roommate. Roomie! Congratulations
Thank you Myself Md. Haris, First year
B.A Programme Ramjas College Actually I had applied for the hostel
But I didn’t get it because my grades were low Then I saw an advert for rented flats
The budget was a little steep but… Tara!
Tara Brara Tara
Good Are you from Delhi?
Yeah… Always. And You? Same Always Allahabad
Always Allahabad Excuse me What else? Nothing else
Only Allahabad Actually my mother’s family is from Kanpur So we keep travelling
Allahabad Kanpur Allahabad Kanpur Sometime Lucknow so then we do
Allahabad Kanpur Lucknow Allahabad Kanpur Lucknow
Like that Shit. I’m getting really late for class. I’ll see you around
Bye Amar pizza kothai bokachoda? Huh? Where the fuck is my pizza? Oni, there’s nothing in the kitchen either Oni? Body? I specifically remember calling
up Dominos and saying Excuse me sir, I’d like a large
family size pizza with pepperoni, extra cheese All meats, mushrooms,
bell peppers, anchovies Where the fuck is it? Oni you forgot about
the baby corn again I swear I didn’t eat your pizza Then who did?
Where the hell is the pizza? Can you see the pizza?
I can’t see the pizza I didn’t eat it…
Maybe that girl had it Girl?
What girl? The girl with the tattoo
on her ankle The monkey tattoo…
The monkey with a turban Oh!
Mojo Jojo Mojojo? Powerpuff Girls bro… But wait
Who’s this girl? Tara Brara
What kind of a name is that? I met her at a protest outside Law Fac.
She’s damn hot And what were you doing at a protest? Protest Ok bro I don’t care…
Your girl ate my pizza I’ll tell you what’ll happen
You’re going to get me food It’s 2 a.m man,
we won’t find anything I don’t care…
All I know is where there is will There is a fucking way.
Now come What do you think you’re doing?
C’mon you’re coming with us No I’ve travelled a lot today so
I think I’m just going to rest a bit I don’t care
You’re coming with us. Put on some clothes man
You’re naked Bro I love this look on me Dude I’m telling you the cops
shut this guy down last month Vipul told me he sorted shit
out with the cops, he’s open Vipul? Vipul??
He’s a complete bullshitter Like last month he told me
the best cure for acne is sperm And bro, it doesn’t work Why would he lie
about something like this? In fact I’ll bet you 500 bucks
that Gopal ji’s wrap corner is open Alright, you’re on
Let’s see We’ll adjust it with the next month’s bills Alright guys, time to go home
Let’s go We can’t just leave…
We have to help this poor guy out Are you out of your mind? There’s no need to be a hero, Haris…
Let’s not get involved in this Let’s get the fuck out of here Oye Haris… Haris Haris I swear to god, if you don’t
get the fuck back right now I will kick your ass Haris! Come back Are you alright? Thank you What happened man? I don’t know…
I’d just come to surprise a friend Then suddenly these assholes
came from nowhere and hit me Animals! Really, thank you…
Thank you so much I don’t know what they would have done
to me if you guys hadn’t shown up Lahomi Oni Md. Haris, First Year
B.A Programme Do you guys live around here? No we were just…
We were looking for Gopal Ji’s Wrap Corner But the cops shut him down last month Told you What now? Let’s just go home please…
We’ve searched enough. Everything’s shut Listen guys I insist please come to my house I have food in the fridge
please come home No, thank you
there’s no need for that Please, you guys saved my life tonight
Just come, I insist That’s very sweet of you man Umm… There’s just one problem
Four of us can’t fit on the Vespa My house is right here.
We’ll just walk across We’ll go. Come… Shit, shit, shit,
fucking shit! What happened? Can’t find the keys
I can’t find the fucking keys What now? No problem. We’ll come another time and
have dinner at your place… I must have lost the keys
during the fight Let’s go and look for it then…
How will we find the keys in the dark? He’s right… He’s right.
We could do one thing I usually keep the balcony doors open
If someone can get me up… We can open the door Yeah?
We just have to go down Welcome to my humble den chaps Come in… Come, come There’s the fridge and there’s the kitchen
Just help yourselves guys. I’m off to bed now.
It’s been a fucking crazy night Thanks again…
Fucking mad Let me take these off Help yourselves guys Chocolate So lucky of us to have
bumped into him at night man What the fuck are you doing here? What’s going on here? Who the fuck are these people?
And what the hell are they doing here? How did you people
get into my house? Please…
Please don’t scream baby We’ve got guests…
My friends are here I don’t want to hear anything
Just get the fuck out of my house All of you get out We should be leaving so… Police. Open the door The neighbours complained
that a handsome man… broke into the house
through the balcony So?
What’s going on here? Sir, It isn’t what it looks like What is it like then?
Try explaining it to me Sir, what happened is…
We were really hungry at night And there wasn’t any food in our house
So we thought that we would come… So you thought you would come
here to satiate your appetite Am I right? Yes sir
Shut up Body! Sir, allow me to explain
Actually what happened is… Shut up! Cut the bullshit You guys come to
the station with me And try explaining there what four
guys were doing in a girls house In the middle of the night
Looking for food? And then let’s see which court
on earth believes your stupid story Sir, please…
Please don’t do this Please believe me,
I just got here from Allahabad Sir first time in Delhi…
First time I can’t go to jail…
Please believe me sir We haven’t done anything
We are innocent Listen.
Your English doesn’t really impress me So, why don’t you come
down to the station with me Please sir…
C’mon let’s go Come to the station Inspector, it isn’t
really their fault This guy has been harassing
me for over a month now Phone calls in the
middle of the night Hangs around outside my college sometimes
and sometimes outside my house Baby, I love… I love you
C’mon, what’re you talking about? Alright! So that’s
what’s going on here… We have a stalker situation over here Don’t worry madam
He won’t be bothering you ever again Inspector Singh, I don’t know
what she’s talking about sir It’s our house…
We’re in love Please sir Inspector Singh
Believe me, it’s our house She loves me
Let’s go, you creep C’mon baby tell
him we’re in love Let’s go asshole
Tell her I love her Thank you so much If we could just have the chips…
Get the fuck out of my house! What a weirdo
What just happened over there? What a night huh? Yeah man Oni I’m still hungry man I’m starving too Do something… I saw a stove in the kitchen
Why don’t you guys cook something? Now why didn’t we think of that?
Body what would you like to eat? Let’s start off with some French omelettes
Ahh French omelettes Only with a dollop of butter on the side
Butter! Then some pancakes of course
Waffles? What would you like?
I’d like some water Water as in like water?
And then some OJ Oh god…
Would love a bit of OJ What’ll you cook man?
We have absolutely nothing here Oh you guys were kidding around I know how to cook In fact, just give me a minute
I’m sure I can whip something up Stove! Sadgopan Ramesh will make a comeback
Let him comeback I don’t care You’re quite the chef Haris Where’d you learn? Last summer holidays
my mum taught me a bit Living on your own in Delhi
You need to know how to cook Fair enough
What else can you make? Nothing fancy
Simple things… Rolls and Wraps mostly Mum also passed on
a couple of family recipes Brilliant
Can you sing? I can English or Hindi?
Both. Would you like to hear? Go on then… Guys! I have a killer idea So Haris here cooks food right?
And Body you’ve got a bike So what? Why don’t we start an
all night food delivery service? Why the fuck would
we want to do that? You want to live off your parents’
money for the rest of your life? But if we deliver food at night
When will we sleep? Haris this isn’t Allahabad
This is Delhi To survive here you need
an entrepreneurial spirit And a gun And an entrepreneurial spirit No. I’m out
You guys go ahead Why buddy?
What’s wrong? I didn’t make it to IIT
Didn’t even get a hostel seat And ever since my Dad’s been
pissing blood… Mum’s very worried It’s not a matter of trust
Oni I can’t do this… Haris, just…
just trust me Wait, if I’m cooking and
Body’s doing the deliveries What will you be doing? Management! Recent studies have shown
that 83% of the… backbone of any business is
management. That’s my expertise! But you’re a history student
History is the source of all management lessons How do you think white people
convinced the non-white people That they are the superior race and
made them their colonial bitches for centuries? Management! How do you think Hitler convinced
millions of Germans that… Jews were the sole reason
for all their misfortune And managed to wipe them out at
an industrial scale like never seen before Management! How do you think Vasco da Gama
discovered America? He did not Exactly That’s mismanagement! Assuming we do this What do we call it? Midnight Munchies?
Won’t work… Late Night Delicious
Food Delivery Service Body?
No bro, I’m baked Guys I got it Wake and Bake Wake’n’Bake
Double meaning I like it Yeah, Wake’n’Bake
Can I take your order? Guys I feel like we’re on
to something big here This is going to be amazing We’re going to have
our own company Yes we’re going to
have our own company!